looking for a few good ideas

  amongst the irregular verbiage

A crunchy breakfast substrate replacement

The bread product colloquially known here as the "English Muffin" performs quite adequately as a crunchy breakfast substrate, in cases where bagels are not available.

It is, after all, merely a marmalade delivery device.

"You take it out, toast it up, and get your fix?"

"You get your fix."

(paraphrased from The Insider, apologies to Touchstone Pictures)