looking for a few good ideas

  amongst the irregular verbiage

My New Home Is Ready

[Karma the Cat is today's guest author.]

Loyal Fans,

I expect all of you have been waiting with anticipation for this, the second epistle from your hero, namely Me.

It may interest you to know that I am now such a regular at at the Cat's Cradle Holiday Resort that I have been promoted to the elevated status of "roamer". This means that although I no longer have my own personal suite, I have the run of the entire establishment, [Actually, it's just one wing, but no one has the heart to tell him - Ed.] I have quite won over Mark and My other valets, and I confess that they have plied Me with such dainties that I am in danger of becoming stout. Perhaps I will get rheumatism, or the gout, and require several bearers in constant attention. Hmmm, this has possibilities.

Typically, I was just enjoying my new found freedom and ability to boss around the new recruits, when Colin and Lisa, the humans with whom I normally co-habit, turned up and explained that my presence was required at The New Home. This part sounding interesting, but they ruined it all by forcing me to get into that detestable personal travel pod. At least it was clean. To tell the truth [his true personality begins to assert itself here - Ed.], I did not mind leaving the Cat's Cradle Detention Centre For Demented Felines. Most of the friends that I had made over the last month that still deigned to talk to me had left earlier this week with their humans, and the new inmates were all stupid. [Karma fit right in - Ed.]

They took me outside to the car - it had changed colors since I last saw it, it is now white for some unknown reason. [Actually, it's a different car - Ed.] Never fear, loyal fans, I showed my pleasure at the exciting travel arrangements by releasing a discharge of gas to dispel that "new car smell" to the enjoyment of all.

Aparently our new home is not far from the Cat's Cradle Bar & Grill, it was only a few minutes away. 

I was carried out of the car, parked in the double garage, and taken inside, and put down on the floor. I barked an order, "Open the pod bay door, Pal!" and I walked out into what I later determined to be the dining area.

I was highly suspicious. Recalling my Tactical Training courses from my kitten days, I first strategically noted the location of Bowl and Litter Box. Then I performed a recon on the entire house, paying particular attention to the following areas: under the bed, in each closet, and in bathroom cupboards. Some of these spaces required intense scrutiny -and a nap.

It appears that over the last few days, much unpacking has been done. I noticed on my way in from the garage that there are many cardboard boxes flattened and put away. There is a new futon couch in the Living room for me to sharpen my claws on. [Oh, I don't think so - Ed.] [I do - Karma.]

I heard C+L talking about putting butter on their paws, but why I really can't imagine. Perhaps it makes them type faster. After I checked each of the rooms I flopped in the middle of the big room they call the "office" -- but they didn't pay me enough attention. Apparently yesterday a man from Pacific Bell came to the house and installed 3 extra phone lines so that they can each be online and make phone calls at the same time. They said that they need this for the consulting work that they are doing, or plan to do, but I know that they are really Preparing My Web Site and need to spend a lot of time on the Internet searching for pictures of Me.

As soon as I have posed for suitable photographs, I will arrange for them to be scanned and placed on a web page for viewing by you, my loyal fans. I know you can't wait.

I must leave you now and check the bowl. Until next time,

Yours in received adoration,

- Karma the Cat

 |